NaNo: So How Behind Are YOU? * or * The 5 Top Reasons You Don't Have TIme to NaNo

So, doing a modified #NaNoWriMo seemed like a pretty good idea.  Not actually doing NaNo, mind you.  But the idea of having 30,000 pristine (as in unedited, un-reread, and very likely dreadful) words in hand on Nov. 30 was pretty damned appealing.

This being Nov. 8th, that would make me 8,000 words behind.  Give or take.

And given my goal of being the last writer standing after wiping out everybody else with my spectacularly bad advice, here are the top 5 reasons you shouldn't be writing either.

1.) Social networking is vital to your survival as a writer.  Even years prior to publication, you need to be building a platform assiduously by tweeting, posting on Facebook, documenting the minutia of your every breathing moment via embarrassing selfies, pinning*, embracing Tumblr, and blogging at least every 2.5 minutes.  Conservatively.

2.) Social media has to be interactive.  How can you be expected to engage with others every 2.5 minutes if you aren't spending the other 2.499999 minutes perusing all of their tweets, Facebook posts, embarrassing selfies, pins and edifying blogs?

3.) All writers need fun facts.  How dirty your hair is and how peculiarly earthy you smell due to the fact that you are Nanoing obsessively does not count as a fun fact.  How the hell are you going to be amusing on panels with a life devoid of fun facts?  Obviously, you need to learn to do magic tricks and fly a single engine plane after making said plane out of papier mache and refurbished vacuum cleaner parts in your basement.

4.) Assuming you are writing YA -- if not, just ignore everything I say; I have no interest in destroying your career -- you need to have your plane-making fingers on the pulse of popular culture.  Even the most super-duper NaNo playlist is a woefully insufficient connection to life outside your NaNo chamber.  You must go to movies, clubs, 4-H club meetings and the mall.  Immediately.

5.) You need new shoes.

*Oh no, another footnote: Yes, I'm pinning.  You should immediately go spend several hours admiring my many really nice pins and follow all of my boards.  Repeatedly.  This would be highly interactive of you.