Sunday, January 20, 2013

Really Bad Writing Advice: 5 Worst New Years Resolutions for Writers

OK, so we’re halfway through January and after carefully refusing to craft New Years resolutions this year, I am now in a position to feel comprehensive, free-floating guilt about vast numbers of resolutions that I could have made but didn’t, and which I’m not keeping. 

Hence, I am the perfect person to give you, without further ado, the 5 worst New Years resolutions for writers.

1.) I will write X number of words / pages / chapters / pieces of stunning flash fiction / short stories / novels per day.

Sure you will.

2.) I will win a local award / a state award / a national award / an international award / the Nobel Peace Prize / a commendation from God that he reaches through the clouds and pins on my chest while others gasp in wonder.

All right, so maybe you'll get one or two of these.  But it still won’t be the commendation that God reaches through the clouds and pins on your chest while others gasp in wonder.  Deal with it.

3.) I will not be distracted by the glories of the internet.

Where are you reading this again?

4.) I will not be distracted by Downton Abbey.

Okay, what happened last week?  Ha!  I knew you knew.

5.) I will not give way to the sedentary aspects of the writing life, but will achieve fame, fortune, and artistic oneness with the universe while maintaining a healthful lifestyle and living, basically, on my treadmill.

Are you reading this from your treadmill? Sure you are.

Happy New Year!


  1. You mean I *won't* win the Nobel Prize? Oh, was it the Nibble Prize? I think I got that.

    1. And I was honorable mention in the chocolate chip ice cream division.

  2. Replies
    1. Not telling, but until you join my highly educational blog, I will continue to pillage your stuff. Not a threat, just saying...